I tend to think that years from now this generation will be known as “the age of no-relationships.” No kidding, we are living in an era were the majority prefer to live without commitments, to not sign deals, to have all the benefits of the penthouse without signing the contract. We sub-lease, we borrow, and we have hook ups (I am not even getting into the booty call BS). We try and try to not involve feelings, because why would we? Why put in the work if we can have sweet kisses, attention and wanna-be-relationships without the obligations that come with a real bond.

I fell into the mistake myself, because why not? It would be ideal to enjoy the moment and not think about what comes next. But in the end, if we don’t buy the apartment, the rent fees will consume our paychecks throughout our whole lives. We need to commit, and for that, an investment is necessary.

We are humans, and as result, we feel. We were made to love, and we forget about that in the rush to have everything right away, immediately, without fighting for it. We were spoiled more than we should have been, and things like Google and Tinder are the ones to blame. Because if you need to know something you can Google it and if you want a hook up you can always swipe right. The issue is, and I repeat, we are humans. We were not made for casual hook ups and we were not made to just seize the day, at least in my opinion. We need stability, and you know it, because when was the last time you did well without a routine or a plan? For me the answer is never. It simply does not work like that. And I am telling you, you will eventually catch feelings, for the penthouse or the guy, and it will result in you not wanting to leave- it or him.

About my ex-hook up, the one I fell in love with, he’s not perfect. In fact, he’s not even my type. But I have to accept I underestimated him. I never thought it was possible to fall in love with someone so different, so complicated and so unreachable. When I met him he made it clear it was just something casual, zero commitment, no family introductions, and no dates. And I went with it. He was interesting, and with his company I was more than content. At the moment, I didn’t need much more than some deep-late-night conversations and decent kisses. We were both working for free, with no long-term retributions and I am not really sure why I thought this was a good idea but I kept going and each month it got harder and harder. We went from deep-late-night conversations to all-day conversations, and from decent kisses to good morning and good night texts (and of course amazing kisses). And suddenly I was ready to buy the apartment; the issue was that it was not on the market. It was never for sale.

The truth is that I do not blame him for breaking my heart because I was not supposed to give it to him in the first place. He never did ask for it, and in fact he told me his own heart was predestined for someone else. I could never hate him, and I am deeply thankful, because if it were not for him, I would not know all that I know today. I would still think we could go around, pretending we do not have hearts, playing as if we had no souls or feelings, forgetting about so much love. He will always be remembered for much more than the kisses, for much more than the sleepless nights and for much more than what he gave me. Usually when we close an emotional phase in our lives, we are so consumed and tired we do not want to be with anyone else. I thank you because you never consumed me, instead you left me ready to feel, to fall and most importantly to love.

 

Thanks for challenging both my mind and my soul. You will be missed.

 

-MC